Coming Out and Staying In—by Shelly Cohen, Bashert Co-chair

A generation ago, many Jewish students at secular colleges wondered how many of their classmates knew they were Jewish and whether it would make a difference if they did.

Today, many Jews have a similar concern, but with a new twist – would it matter if friends and colleagues knew that they (or their son or daughter) are gay?

That parallel was noted by Rabbi Anson Laytner last week as moderator of “Coming Out and Staying In,” a roundtable discussion held at UW Hillel. The program was co-sponsored by Bashert, the LGBT outreach initiative of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle, and Jewish Family Service (JFS).

Panelists included Robin Boehler, Federation board chair, and her daughter Sara; Dr. Ted Kohler and his son Andy; Don Armstrong of Jewish Family Service; and Rabbi Dov Gartenberg. Each described their experiences of coming out – either as a gay or lesbian Jew, or as the parent or sibling of a gay Jew.

Those experiences were overwhelmingly positive. Several speakers felt that, in general, the Jewish community is less judgmental about homosexuality than mainline Christian traditions.

Even for those who identify more as secular than religious Jews, it was important to have clergy they could talk to who are open and supportive. That support is coming from surprising places within the Jewish community. One man in the audience told of a conversation with a Hasidic rabbi who asked why he and his (male) partner weren’t fulfilling the mitzvah of having children. Others described Orthodox congregations who have developed a don’t-ask-don’t-tell acceptance of lesbian and gay Jews.

There is still progress to be made, but today there are numerous examples of Jewish organizations that are affirmatively becoming more welcoming of gays and lesbians. Some offer domestic partner benefits for their employees; others are revising their forms and bylaws to substitute “parents” for “mother and father” or “spouse/partner” for “husband/wife” – recognizing the power that language has to include or exclude.

Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle President and CEO Richard Fruchter expressed his appreciation to be working in such a progressive community that truly supports diversity, and reiterated his commitment that Bashert’s efforts to help lesbian and gay Jews maintain their connection to Judaism is a priority for the Federation.

Bashert is the LGBT Initiative of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. Bashert reaches out to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Jews in Greater Seattle in order to build a stronger, more inclusive Jewish community. This initiative creates opportunities for Jews to come together, celebrate and explore their Jewish identities in a welcoming environment.